What Now?
by Bottou-chan
Summary: After Mori Kouran has been defeated, the Uruha has been destroyed... and what do they do now?
1. What Now?

**What Now?**

**Part One**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

Raiha opened one eye sleepily. Bright sunlight flooded in through his bedroom window, while some birds chirped in the tree outside, informing him of the new day. He sat up, but somehow felt dead. Like something was missing. There was an enormous anticlimatic knot in his stomach… what now?

Mori Kouran had been defeated yesterday. It had been a gory scene… Raiha, in his years of service, had grown accustomed to devastation, but yesterday had made even him flinch. He'd finally unleashed the power of Raijin… Joker had been in fine form with his Taishaku Kaiten… Neon had joined them, too, with Jisho's knives, as her Fukyo Waon had been destroyed during the UBS III. Fuuko had done well, now that her Fuujin was complete… that extra training he had given her had paid off. Mikagami and Koganei had made a terrific team; Domon seemed to be at the peak of his strength. It had been dazzling, watching the two half-brothers team up against their common enemy. It had been a long, tense, close fight... but they had won. Their enemy was now dead. Renge… Mikoto… Mokuren… Aoi… Kirin… Rasen… the others who had cast their lot with Mori… were either dead or scattered.

What now?

He took his time in dressing. He had dedicated so much of his life to being there for Kurei… being his assassin. It was difficult, thinking that his life as he knew it would end sooner than later. But it was inevitable. The Uruha had been neatly destroyed by the last UBS tournament. The only thing that had kept this day from happening then, was Mori's murderous attack on Kurei. That had sent him and his few loyal followers into hiding. But now the tables were turned. It was the few survivors from Mori's party who were now in hiding… and Raiha didn't have the heart to hunt them down. He was sick of the killing, the bloodshed… and he knew Kurei was, too.

But what else was there?

Was he useless as anything besides an assassin?

The thought was unsettling.

He ran a brush through his long hair and stepped back from the mirror. Perhaps Kurei would have a plan.

* * *

"You're releasing us?" Neon's eyes were wide, and there were tears brimming at the bottoms. Joker looked perturbed, too. Raiha disguised his own frown by slowly sipping his apple juice.

"Oi, Kurei-han!" said Joker, scowling and leaning forward. "You can't just get rid of us like that! We've been yours for… forever. It's not like you can just send us to kill a drug lord one day, and hand us a briefcase and tell us to report to the office in suit and tie the next." He waved his cereal spoon in Kurei's impassive face. "We need at least two weeks notice! Not to mention severance pay," he added, an impish smile flickering over his lips.

"You can't just send us away," argued Neon. "We promised to be yours forever."

"Uruha forever," murmured Raiha, spreading the strawberry jelly over his toast.

"This chapter of your lives has closed," said Kurei. "It would have closed some time ago, had not circumstances interfered. It's better to get it over with now, rather than wait. We all still have our lives ahead of us. It's not too late." He paused to take a sip of his juice. "You three have served your time well. You've made me proud." A small smile quivered hesitantly on his lips for a moment. "I shall see to it that you are comfortably ensconced in whatever paths you choose for yourselves."

Raiha hadn't had any doubts about that. Regardless of his other crimes, Kurei always took care of those he cared for. Still… it was a bit disconcerting, being set adrift so suddenly. He could tell Neon was taking this especially hard, though. He knew she had been in love with Kurei for several years now. He had a suspicion that there had been more to the pair's relationship recently… he didn't know for sure, but he suspected.

"You must admit, Kurei-sama," he said, choosing his words carefully, "It's not that we're reluctant to stop the killing... it's just that it's a bit sudden, asking us to turn our lives around so drastically...so suddenly." He gazed at Kurei levelly. "We've become so used to living our lives for you, Kurei-sama, it's a bit harsh, asking us to find a new purpose in life so quickly."

"You're not going to completely distance yourself from us, are you, Kurei-sama?" asked Neon pleadingly.

"It would be best... for you... to put all of this behind you. If I'm around on a frequent basis... it would be... difficult." Kurei looked at Neon; Raiha could catch some sort of message flickering between their eyes. "I can't stop you three from staying together, but it would be best... if you worked on getting normal lives for yourselves." He wrenched his gaze from Neon and looked at Joker and Raiha. "Just think about it," he said, his voice rising slightly. "You'll be able to have normal lives... not exist in the shadows... you'll be able to put this past behind you... establish a new life for yourself. Find someone, marry them, have a family. Do ordinary things... not having to worry about someone recognizing you... not having to worry about getting ambushed..." He shook his head. "Each one of you has wanted that... understandably. It's all anyone wants... to be happy. How can you be happy with me? How can you be happy with this shadow looming over you? I admit it... this is hard for me. But I'm doing it for the best of everyone."

"It makes me happy to serve you, Kurei-sama," began Neon, but Joker cut in.

"Kurei-han, it looks like you've made up your mind." He pushed his cereal bowl to the side. "And we can sit here and argue until we're blue in the face and it's dinnertime... and I know we won't change your mind one bit. So I've got my retirement plan figured out. I'd like to be a corporate head for one of the importing businesses Mori-han left behind--" a cheerful smirk remembering Mori's untimely demise "--and it doesn't matter which. I'd like a salary in the high six-figures, four week's paid vacation a year, and a company car. And a furnished penthouse apartment."

A smile flickered over Kurei's lips again. "You really are arrogant, aren't you?" he asked. "But it shall be as you wish. I shall find something in Tokyo for you."

Joker nodded his satisfaction, settling back into his chair. His gaze rested thoughtfully upon Raiha, and the purple-haired ninja sensed his cue.

"My apologies, Kurei-sama, that I have been unable to serve you for as long as I expected to," he said, bowing his head simply but sincerely. "But Joker-san's plan sounds rather intriguing. I believe one of your... erm, recently-acquired... businesses from the estate includes a television studio. If you please, I would like a job in management there. Perhaps I will not be able to see you again, Kurei-sama, but I would like to be able to serve you indirectly. I am willing to accept whatever the normal terms are, and--" he glanced at Joker, who nodded his head slightly "--I would like to be lodged in Joker-san's apartment."

Neon's eyes widened slightly, and she looked at her two friends, hurt that they had given in so quickly. The decision was the hardest for her. But she was... had been... Jyushinshuu... and she had to endure the unendurable, if it was Kurei's will. "Kurei-sama, it has been my pleasure serving you for as long as I have," she said, her voice soft but unwavering. "I would like a corporate job managing one of your computer outlet stores." She glanced at Joker and Raiha for encouragement before adding, "And if there could be some extra rooms in that place for me, too... that would be nice."

"You can share my room," offered Joker, and Neon scowled.

"As if I'd ever--" began Neon, and Raiha smiled at the familiar reaction. He knew it was Joker's strange way of trying to break the tense atmosphere which was lying densely over the breakfast table.

Kurei stood up. "I'll make the arrangements by the end of the week," he said. Bowing his head very slightly, he turned around and left the room, not looking back.

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



	2. Default Chapter Title

**What Now?**

**Part Two**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

A week later…

"You've got to admit… Kurei-han has a fabulous retirement plan," remarked Joker, gazing thoughtfully out across the Tokyo skyline. The penthouse apartment took up nearly the entire top story of one of Kurei's Tokyo skyscrapers. It had a fabulous view… with the added bonus that it was more than adequate to house three retired assassins, plus their truckloads of Stuff.

"I kind of think Kurei-sama let us go, just to free up some room at the Mansion," grinned Raiha, leaning against the window. "It was nice, in the mountains… but this is pretty, too."

Neon remained silent, staring sightlessly out the window. How could the others be so cavalier about this? Weren't they hurt? Had they stopped caring? Did they not feel betrayed?

Betrayed. She laughed silently to herself. There were few people in Japan who were in such a cushy position as she was right now… but did Kurei really think she would be satisfied with these material things? The job. The money. The penthouse. The expensive art on the walls, the designer clothes crammed into the closets, the classic cars in the underground parking garage. Joker had haggled for one of the Delahaye Cabriolets… Raiha had held out for a Dusenberg. Neon had sniffed about how impractical those were for the streets of Tokyo, and had randomly selected a brand-new one. She had no idea what it was… but it was small. And blue. And shiny. And practical. And cute.

Did Kurei think these… things… would make up for his absence? That these gifts would make up for his betrayal?

They had remained faithful to him even in his darkest hours. Why did he think he could abandon them now? Normally, she wouldn't question Kurei's decision. Had she outlived her usefulness? She doubted it. Was there a need for the Uruha? Maybe not like before, seeing as how Mori was dead, and Kurei had changed. But if she was useless now, she would have preferred to be told so point-blank, as opposed to having it sickeningly sugar-coated by gifts.

Funny, Kurei had never been the one to sugar-coat things.

Her mind drifted back to when she had saved him after the UBS III, when he had been shot. She had raced up and tackled him, sending them both flying off the cliff and into the sea below. Amazing, how neither of them had been dashed to pieces against the rocks… amazing, that they had washed up safely on a shore. Kurei had remained unconscious for ten days after that… she remembered the terror that Mori would find them and kill them… the hunger at not being able to find much in the way of food… the long hours of holding watch over Kurei's bed, waiting patiently for him to awaken and give her her next command.

Her eyes narrowed as she remembered how emotional he had been upon waking. He had actually cried… her Kurei! Crying! So many years of repressing his emotions… having them all come flooding to the surface at once… he had expressed how sick he was of the killing. How he just wanted it to stop.

And she had tried to support him in his weakness. No wonder he had broken… he had been through so much trauma during his long, bitter life. And she had told him if he wanted to stop, he should stop. But she would always be there with him, there to help him.

Did Kurei hate her because she had caught him in a moment of weakness?

She remembered having related Kurei's and Kurenai's story in full to Recca, after her Uruha Oto fight. Kurei had found out about that. When she had gone back to the mansion, she had been summoned into his presence. He had been furious with her… he hadn't held anything back when he had struck her. Or kicked her when she was lying on the floor. Or stamped on her head. He had been justifiably angry, of course, and what he did was merely in keeping with the laws of the Uruha. Kurei didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him… he didn't want Neon- or anyone else- to try and justify his actions. He was Kurei, and he would do what he wanted to. It didn't matter what they thought of him… but his private life was to be kept private.

She had never told anyone about their dialogue. Even though she had caught him in his weakness, she suspected that him-in-tears counted as a private moment. If Kurei wanted to tell the others he was sick of the killing… sick of the violence and the bloodshed… he would tell them.

Remembering what had happened after she had tried to comfort him, her cheeks flushed slightly. During the course of her work as a member of the Uruha, she had capitalized on her physical assets more than once. Amazing, how ordinarily brilliant and cunning men could be so foolish and off-guard in the presence of a warm, pliant, beautiful woman professing adoration. But with Kurei… it had been special. It wasn't like the other times, where she had merely been using her body to accomplish a task. It had been indescribably different… she had given him part of her soul then. It had been warm and beautiful and real… or was it real only to her?

Had she been fooled by him into thinking there would ever be anything more than just his servant? Whether his maid or a member of his Jyushinshuu, was she only an underling to be used and commanded at whim?

She thought he had felt the same way… he had seemed so… different… afterwards. She had been sleeping soundly for the first time in ten days, secure in the knowledge that her Kurei was finally safe and well. Kurei had been outside, alone with his own thoughts, when that fat man had attacked. She had heard them jabbering about something, and it had sounded like it would have led to a fight. Ordinarily, Kurei would have dealt with threats then and there in the most final of ways. But he was holding back… for some reason.

By the time she had wiggled back into her dress and run outside, Kurei had obviously received a few punches to the face from the monster who had intruded upon their peace. She had rushed up—and had been sent skidding back, propelled by a vicious blow. It hadn't been very bad, as far as vicious blows went… she'd had worse in her time. But it had seemed to trigger something in Kurei. Whatever had been holding him back snapped… their visitor was soon sliced into many pieces by Kurei's Flame. It was all fuzzy in her memory, as she had been barely hanging on to consciousness at the time… but the next thing she knew, she had been left abandoned in the hospital.

Kurei had left her, after she had promised never to leave him.

She had found him again… and he once more pushed her away.

Neon pursed her lips, clenching her fists into tight little balls. So that was how Kurei wanted things? Fine! She'd show him. She'd accept this mission, just like she'd accept any other mission from him. That's all it was… just a mission. A very, very extended one. But she wouldn't allow this to devastate her life. Rather, she'd use it to make herself stronger. She would survive this ordeal. Sure, the numb feeling in her heart was a thousand times more painful than any bodily injury she'd ever dealt with.

But she would blacken her own name if she allowed herself to drown in her sorrows. Kurei would not remember her as a strong, capable, independent individual. Rather, he would remember her as a tearful, weak, pleading woman under the illusion he would ever return her feelings.

And that was something her pride would not stand for. She straightened her back, drawing herself up to her full height.

Joker and Raiha exchanged a glance. They had been silently watching the emotions flickering over her face. But it looked like she had arrived at a resolution.

Raiha allowed himself a small, approving smile. _Good for you, Neon-san_, he mentally applauded. ::_We'll get this worked out… eventually… but you have to be strong for now._

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



	3. Default Chapter Title

**What Now?**

**Part Three**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

Joker propped his feet on his desk and stared out the window, much to the discomfort of Shirahata, the president of his Board of Directors, and Michi, his private secretary.

"I was quite close with Mori-san before his unfortunate passing," said Shirahata. "I was involved in a good many of his business deals. But I don't remember having seen you in his inner circle of friends." _Like I could ever miss anyone, with that hair…_ he thought privately, but refrained from saying so.

"I've spent a few years, but my work was mostly with his son," explained Joker. "I was in charge of many… sensitive… assignments, shall we say. A good deal of negotiating… very hush-hush, you understand." _Why is he staring at my hair?_ He gave Shirahata a brilliant smile, but it had the effect of sending chills down the BOD president's spine.

"I understand," said Shirahata, although he didn't. "Well, good luck with everything… we look forward to our first meeting with you. Next Tuesday." _I hope he gets those braids chopped off before then_.

"Next Tuesday it is," agreed Joker, smiling amicably. _He doesn't like my hair. Too bad_.

They bowed politely, and Shirahata left.

"So, Michi-chan! What's on my list today?" asked Joker.

"Well, Odokemono-san, you're scheduled to have lunch with Shobu Toru at the Uchiyama Country Club. There's a Harbor Commission meeting from 3-5 this afternoon over at City Hall which you're required to attend."

"Anything else?"

"You can probably expect a number of people to drop by today," said Michi. "I'll let you know. If you're bored, there's a putter, a golf ball, and a glass in that closet." She left the room, and Joker resumed his admiration of the view.

So this was what it's like to have a 9-to-5 job… he loosened his tie a little. Neon had expressed sarcastic surprise that morning when she had seen him. "I'm surprised you even know how to tie one of those things," she had said, glancing up from her grapefruit.

He grinned. Work—real work, at least—was boring. He'd be miserably bored out of his mind, if it wasn't for Neon and Raiha back at the penthouse. They were… familiar. He could speak freely with them, and not have to worry about letting sensitive information slip. Together, they had been through so much… an indescribable bond had formed between them.

Plus, Neon was a fantastic target. He wondered if he could use Michi to annoy her, but then decided against it. He'd give the poor girl a break. She was obviously heartbroken over Kurei… he reveled in teasing her, but he didn't want to hurt her. Even though the last few days, she had seemed better, Joker knew it wasn't the kind of thing you could get over very easily.

The smile had gradually faded from his lips. How different his life would have been if… if only. He'd never planned on becoming an assassin. It just sort of happened. Amazing, how the events in one's life could build up to such an improbable ending. If only one detail at any point in time had changed, his life would have been unrecognizable. _He_ would have been unrecognizable. He'd probably have been doing the 9-to-5 suit-and-tie thing for a few years now… he would have been just an ordinary man, blending in with all the other gray-suited black-haired men riding the subway to the office. He'd wanted to become a physicist… perhaps work at the University? Do a little research… do a little teaching… If he'd stayed in school, he could be working on his doctorate by now. He counted the years on his hands… yes, he could've.

He closed his eyes. He could imagine himself coming home with his lovely red-haired wife being there to give him a kiss when he got in. Not Neon, but a Neon lookalike. His two or three kids would show him their spelling papers or math tests, and he would express the proper pleasure at viewing their high marks. After all, if they were his kids, they couldn't be anything less than brilliant.

That happy little scenario had kept him going for four years, but it had all shattered into nothing because he hadn't known better. Well, he _had_ known better… but the hand of fate had interfered with his judgement. What was he thinking. Hand of fate, nothing. He had messed up his own life singlehandedly, thankyouverymuch. He had obsessed over it for a year, waiting for her to graduate, waiting for her to come back, hoping against hope… He had been too heartbroken to go on to graduate school. He had worked… funny, he'd been bored by the mundanity of it all even then. But it was something to do, something to occupy his body while his mind obsessed over the wrong turns in his life.

He'd held on to hope until he found out she had married. And somehow… a part of him had died then. He could never quite explain it, but he was different after that… For the better? For the worse? He didn't know.

He had joined up with Kurei, and had served him happily for a while. Served him? He doubted that was the most accurate term for his actions, but he had at least worked for him. It had been an interesting experience. It had been more fun than his last job. The mystery, the intrigue, the excitement! He doubted there would be much chance for an adrenaline high working at the import company Kurei owned. There would be nothing to keep him in shape… nothing to keep his reflexes sharp… nothing to keep his senses keen. But did he need all that? This was a different world he was living in. An eagle has no need for its strength or perception when kept in a cage. A wolf has no need for is cunning or skills when chained to a fence.

Somehow, he didn't like that option. But then again, if he kept his ties to the past, would it only make his transition more difficult?

Transition… the word echoed through his mind. He wasn't merely continuing his life… he was beginning a whole new one. He was picking up where he'd left off. He suddenly had a chance at everything he had ever wanted, before that fork in the road…

He wasn't a caged eagle. He was an eagle soaring among pigeons. He wasn't a chained wolf. He was a wolf seeking acceptance into a pack of tame dogs. He could conveniently pretend that the last few years had never happened… or at least gloss over them, with the explanation that he had worked in a very hush-hush capacity. His situation was becoming more and more agreeable every moment…

He pulled the putter, glass, and ball from the closet and began to practice. He couldn't entirely hold back a sweatdrop, though.

_So this is what if feels like to be normal…_

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



	4. Default Chapter Title

**What Now?**

**Part Four**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

"Oi, she's a cutie," said Joker, propping his elbows on the table and looking through a sheaf of 8x10 glossies. "And so's she… and so's she…"

Raiha shrugged. "They all are… but I still can't decide who gets the leading role. They're all pretty much equally talented… they can sing, they can dance, they can play the piano-"

"And in an emergency, move it," chimed in Joker. He shuffled through the photos again. An impish smile appeared. "Why don't you send them over to me? I could, um, interview them?"

"Joker no hentai," sniffed Neon, tugging on one of his braids as she passed behind him.

"Oi, Neon-han… you know I only have eyes for you," he amended. "All you need to do is say the word, and I'm yours."

"That's not what I meant-" 

"But it's what you want…" 

"If you really knew what I wanted, you wouldn't be pestering me." 

"Admit it… you'd be so bored if I wasn't here to inject a little romance into your life."

"Is that what you call it." 

"Oi, Neon-han, you should accept our fate. Besides, I don't see any rivals coming around here."

"Unlike you. What's with all those women you've been bringing over here? I've stopped counting."

He shrugged. "I'm making up for lost time… and waiting until you're ready to admit your feelings for me. But they keep getting distracted by Raiha…"

Raiha smiled weakly. "Gomen," he apologized. 

"Nahhh," said Joker, waving his hand airily. "Actually, they don't really mean anything… they're just a pleasant way to pass the time with. I wouldn't really want to get into anything involved with them." Realizing he still held them in his hands, he passed the photos back to Raiha. "Say, how   
about you?"

Raiha blushed slightly. "I haven't really found anyone yet," he said. "We've only been away from Kurei-sama for a month."

"Only a month," snorted Neon softly. 

"You're not still interested in that Fuuko-han, are you?" asked Joker skeptically. He peered closer. "You are!"

"She's too young," said Neon, shaking her head. "Give her a little time to grow up… she's still in high school."

"Now, that's a good way to forget your past… get romantically interested in one of your previous opponents," remarked Joker.

Raiha busied himself with the photos. "So, which one do you think is cute?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

Joker laughed. "You might as well put them all face-down and do eeny-meeny-miny-mo," he said, leaning back and putting his feet on the coffee table. "You know, I never really noticed before, but in the outside world is still so...so… aiii! There are no words for it... how can I put it nicely?   
Them. And us. Two different worlds. Have you guys noticed that?"

Neon nodded vigorously. "It's so... strange. It's a complex game... but somehow, after being with Kurei-sama for so long... normal life is so... trite. Mundane. And the people... they're gray. They're flat. They're boring."

"The Uruha didn't exactly attract the nicest people," remarked Raiha, "But at least they were interesting. Television doesn't seem to attract the nicest people, either... but they're interesting. Not nearly as interesting as the Uruha were... but interesting in their own way."

"They don't know anything about death... so how can they appreciate life?" inquired Neon.

"They've never experienced life," corrected Joker. "They've spent their entire existence being cooped up in their little cubicles, hanging around coffee machines, and being stuck in commuter traffic. They don't know anything about the thrill of an adrenaline high… the joy of maneuvering out of a tight   
spot where a dozen people are trying to gun you down… subterfuge and prowling and disguise and all that."

"I'd love a good fight," remarked Raiha wistfully. "When you don't have to keep training… it's hard to keep yourself up to standard."

"Perhaps we can find Fuuko-han," suggested Joker, with a glint in his eye. "You could say something off-color to her, and she could have fun beating you up. That should whip you into shape in no time."

Raiha sweatdropped slightly. "I thought we wanted to change the topic," he suggested lightly.

"Only you did," corrected Joker, smiling cheerfully. Turning to Neon, he said, "Hey, you feel up for a little bit of kidnapping?"

Neon smiled impishly. "I could probably handle her by myself… but if you'd like help, Joker-san, I'm more than willing to give you a hand."

"We could tie her up and bring her back here…" 

"Poor little Fuuko-san, bound, gagged, and blindfolded, waiting for her prince to rescue her-"

"Oi, Neon-han, I didn't know you had such an ecchi streak." 

"You went there. How did I know you would?" 

"But then her prince can come, in all his ninja glory, rescuing her from the evil Neon-han and the evil Joker-han."

"And the happy Fuuko-san will clasp her hands and gaze at her prince with big, wobbly eyes, with the blush of apparent affection glowing delicately upon her nose-"

"As she gives her prince a lingering, grateful kiss-" 

"-And goodness knows what else-" 

"-We draw a curtain of privacy over the tender moment, but peek occasionally through the folds to point and giggle."

Neon and Joker stared at each other for a moment, before bursting into laughter. 

"Or perhaps she'd just beat all of us up indiscriminately, as soon as you freed her," suggested Neon, wiping away a tear. "Oh, I miss those days!"

"Aren't you two harsh today!" remarked Raiha, grinning tolerantly at his two friends. "The love in this room is underwhelming."

"Ahhh, there's something in this room," smiled Neon, smirking.   
  
"Say, Neon-han, tonight, could you tuck me in? And could you bring some of your scarves with you when you do it?" asked Joker, his fangs showing impishly.

"Ooo, could I gag you? That way I won't have to listen to your comments!" Neon looked a little too eager at that thought.

"Yes, and then you could tie me up so I couldn't follow you around and annoy you."

"And then I can shut the door behind me as I leave, laughing my head off." 

"It would be much more fun if you kissed me very thoroughly, just to teach me a lesson. You'd show me a thing or two!"

"No, I prefer the idea of laughing hysterically as I abandon you…" 

"Aww, c'mon, Neon-han… you don't want to teach me a lesson I won't forget?" 

"I'll teach you not to let yourself get put in that kind of situation with this kind of woman…"

Raiha tuned out their banter. They had laughed, but had pinpointed an Issue with deadly accuracy. Fuuko had been fun and pleasant to be around. Under different circumstances, perhaps they could have worked something out. But his past, her past… the combination of the two… they provided   
insurmountable difficulties. Once he had experienced the thrill of being Uruha, with its roller coaster ride of ups and downs… how could he possibly settle down? His past was a dark, heavy cloud. The guilt would tear him up, if he allowed himself to marry without informing a prospective Someone of his past. And yet, by the same token, sharing his secret was more than enough reason for anyone to be driven away in disgust. For so long, he had been Kurei's ninja… for a shorter time, he had been Fuuko's self-proclaimed prince. And now he needed to find a new purpose in life.

But somehow, working at the studio didn't fill the enormous gap in his life. Instead, the emptiness was filled with an amorphous cloud of dissatisfaction which slowly grew day by day.

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



	5. Default Chapter Title

**What Now?**

**Part Five**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

Neon answered the knock at the door. A woman with long green hair and a short black dress stood in the doorway, with a bright smile on her face. The smile faded a little when she caught sight of Neon, but the latter's sweatpants and baggy T-shirt gave her confidence.

"Hi! Is Hiroji-san in?" 

"Hir- yes, Hiroji's in," said Neon, opening the door wider and allowing the newcomer inside. "Hirooooooo---ji!" she called. "You've got another one!"

Joker came bustling into the foyer at top speed. "Oi, Neon-han, you don't have to put it like that," he said, scowling ferociously. He pasted on a brilliant smile for his visitor. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Ana-chan."

"Oh, I just got here—" She was a bit surprised when Joker took her firmly by the elbow and propelled her back towards the door. Almost like he was trying to escape…

Neon only smirked. 

"Have fun, kids," she said brightly as they passed her. "Hirooooji, be sure to be back by 11," she added in a sultry voice. "I'll be sure to have the blankets all nice and warm for you when you come home."

As the door pulled shut, she could hear Ana-chan's curious voice, "Who _is_ that woman?" and Joker's nervous laugh.

Neon snickered. Serves him right, for having embarrassed her the other night. Yes, she had wanted to get rid of her date—who she had made the mistake of inviting inside for a nightcap. She had been thinking about one last sociable drink, then bid adieu and never see him again. He'd seemed to   
have been leaning towards the idea of pajamas and breakfast the next morning.

He'd refused to leave, ignoring Neon's subtle and not-so-subtle hints that he should make his departure… until Joker had made his own grand entrance, coming in from his own night on the town. One pleading look from Neon told him the whole situation, and he'd instantly taken it upon his own hands to free her of her unwanted admirer.

"Oi, Snugglebunny," he'd said, walking up behind her and draping his arms around her. "Tell your little friend goodnight and come to bed."

Her 'little friend' had stared uncomfortably at Joker. "Who's that?" he'd asked.

"Who do you think owns this penthouse?" Joker had returned, calmly returning his stare, absentmindedly nuzzling the top of Neon's head. "I let her live here… because I like her. I don't like you… so you can't spend the night. But Cuddlebug's welcome to stay as long as she likes…"

It hadn't been much longer after that before her 'little friend' had beat a hasty retreat.

"What do you think you were doing?!" Neon had demanded, relieved yet embarrassed beyond belief.

"Oi, I got rid of him, ne?" asked Joker calmly, rummaging through the kitchen for milk and cookies.

"Yes, but you didn't have to put such thoughts in his head that I—that I—" 

"What do you care about what people think?" Joker had reasoned. 

"Well, since I'm _trying_ to be a normal person, I don't want them to think I'm some floozy you just picked up off the street," Neon had snarled. "I've got a career now." Neon plopped down on the couch, glancing behind her at the closed door through which Joker and Ana-chan had left. She   
_was_ trying to be a normal person… she _was_ trying to get over Kurei-sama. But it was so difficult to find anyone she wanted to really spend time with, get to know better… there was no lack of men who would love to take her out for a night on the town, but they all bored her. They all paled in   
comparison to Kurei. Kurei had been so complex, so deep, a man of contrasts. He was cold to so many others…. Yet he could be a warm and caring son. Or lover. His hatreds burned in his heart with an unfathomable passion… and yet who would suspect that he was capable of an equally capacious love? Fate had been cruel to Kurei, yet he managed to be strong. Why did she have to be so weak?

She inwardly cursed herself. It had been a full three months by now, yet every day dragged as if it were ten. Kurei might have forgotten all about her… all about what had been _them_… maybe even before he had dismissed her from his service. Why could she not forget in return? She, Neon,   
formerly of the Jyushinshuu… how many times had she steeled her heart and hidden her emotions? Why could she not draw upon that stoniness now, when she really needed it? She knew it was futile to obsess over him. She knew better than to delude herself that he would suddenly change his mind and take her back—especially after so much time had passed. Yet why was he the measuring-stick against which she unconsciously compared every other potential Hopeful? And why did they always come up short? She knew that there could never be another Kurei-sama in her life, that she should judge each of her Potentials on their own merits… yet she couldn't bring herself to actually put that into practice.

She needed someone new, to help her forget. But did she want to forget him? Her Kurei-sama had been so important to her in the last several years of her life, in varying stages of closeness and intimacy. She had been his maid, then one of his Uruha, then promoted to Jyushinshuu… and finally, his   
lover. If he called her back to him that very evening, she would lose no time in rushing into his arms. Forget pride. Forget pretenses. She could dispose of both for the sake of their happiness.

Happiness. How could she have happiness without _him_? The one she had sworn to live for, to die for. He had broken her heart as though she was nothing. Not once, but twice. The first time was when she had awoken, alone and abandoned, in the hospital. Strange… she had never been very much attached in a relationship before. Before she had joined up with the Uruha, she had always been pretty and popular. There had never been any lack of eager young males wanting to go out. But they had never been particularly meaningful to her. They'd been good for getting gifts… dinner… movies… they had been entertainment to keep her from getting bored. They hadn't been people, they had been her toys, her puppets, and   
when she was finished with one, she would find someone new to amuse her. But her Kurei-sama was different. She had been sincere with him. She had been vulnerable, because what she had felt for him had been real. What a fool she had been… could she allow herself to open up to someone new?

A stray tear trickled down her cheek, and she sniffled unhappily. Why did it have to still hurt so badly, even after so much time had passed? Joker and Raiha had assured her she'd get over it. But she didn't want to get over it. She wanted things to be back the way they were.

She almost didn't hear the door open. "Forgot my wallet!" said Joker cheerfully, bustling through the living room. He'd left Ana-chan in the car as a precaution. "Ana-chan will kill me if I make her pay for dinner… you'll protect me, Neon-han, h'm?" He stopped short when he caught sight of   
Neon's puffy eyes. "Oi, Neon-han, if you keep looking like that, you won't attract any men at all."

"Go away," sulked Neon. "What do you know." 

Joker left the room, and in a few moments, returned with his wallet in his hand. But instead of hurrying back outside, he plopped comfortably down on the couch next to her. "You're the only one who can solve this," he said reasonably, his voice with a sudden uncharacteristic edge of seriousness to it. "No matter how much Raiha or I can talk to you—you're the only one who can fix your own life."

Neon blew her nose loudly. "I've tried," she sulked. 

"No you haven't. You should give the other guys a chance. At least give yourself the chance to be distracted enough to the point where you actually have fun. It doesn't mean that they'll ever fill the gap that Kurei-han left… but you owe it to yourself to try and make yourself happy." He smiled   
earnestly at her. "You need to find something to concentrate on that will distract you… and besides, things always work out for the best in the end. Not how we expect things to, but they always work out. It's just a matter of time. It's cliché… but it's very true."

"Hmph," said Neon, not looking at him. 

He stood up. "Oi, you're cranky," he remarked, his voice light-hearted once more. "No wonder the men are frightened of you. See ya later… Cuddlebug." He planted a cheerful kiss on the top of her head and then beat a hasty retreat.

Neon clutched her couch cushion tightly. It just wouldn't do, for her to be like this… she would have to become stronger, make a more sincere attempt to fix her life. Raiha and Joker would think badly of her if she continued to mope and sulk like she'd been doing recently. Fine. She'd get out of the house and force herself to have fun, even if it killed her.

She dug out her address book and picked a random name from a random page. She dialed the number, and a male voice answered. "Moshi-moshi."

"Hello, Tetsuzan-san? This is Neon… yes, that's right. Mm-hmm… say, I was wondering if you'd be interested in catching the 9 o'clock showing of Sakiyurai Sanetomo's new movie… mmm, yes, I hear it's very good. You would? Wonderful… you know how to get here? Yes, the top floor. All right… I'll see you then."

She hung up the receiver and her eyes shone. That wasn't so hard! She took a deep breath and then wandered over towards her wardrobe. What to wear, what to wear…? It was a familiar, comfortable dilemma… and for the first time in much too long, the knot in her stomach seemed to have truly   
disappeared.

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



	6. Default Chapter Title

**What Now?**

**Part Six**

**[Bottou-chan][1]**

**[My Page][2]**

Joker came stumbling in to the kitchen for breakfast. Raiha held up a bowl. "Want some cereal?" he asked.

Joker shook his head. "No… I need a can of SlimFast," he mourned. "I was on the scales today… and I've gained four pounds in the last six months!"

"Your skinny frame could use it," remarked Neon, delicately sprinkling sugar over Raiha's cornflakes for him.

"I'm no longer the mean, lean killing machine I used to be," sighed Joker, draping himself melodramatically across a kitchen chair. "I'm turning into a potato."

Neon began cutting up strawberries. "You could gain forty pounds, and not look like a potato," she replied enviously. "You've got the height to disguise it."

"And people everywhere will point and whisper 'chubby' at me! Oi, my poor, delicate ego!"

"You can drown your sorrows in cornflakes," suggested Raiha reasonably. "You know, Joker-san, you should be ashamed of yourself. You never hear Neon-san complain about her figure…"

"Neon-han's got a good figure," he replied, looking critically at the redhaired woman, continuing to chop strawberries. "Even you've got a good figure, Raiha-han… always stealing my women like that. First it was my fangirls. Now it's my potential love interests. I think even my secretary's   
thinking of transferring over to you."

"Do you know what today is?" asked Raiha, changing the subject abruptly as his gaze fell upon the calendar posted on the refrigerator door.

"Thursday?" hazarded Joker. 

"Today is Kurei-sama's birthday," answered Raiha. "Or at least, the anniversary of when Tsukino-sama found him. I don't think even Kurei-sama knows exactly when he was born… the time travel was a bit confusing, you know."

"Should we get him something for his birthday?" asked Joker curiously. "I don't know… like send a singing telegram, or a balloon, or maybe a fruit basket or something like that. Or we could get some magic markers and draw him a card." His fangs glinted in amusement.

"No," said Neon quietly. She shook her head. "It's just another day… let's ignore it. If Kurei-san wanted us to remember him, we wouldn't be in this situation now."

Raiha and Joker both stared at her. Did she actually not call him -sama just then?

"But it wouldn't hurt," persisted Raiha. "Just for old-time's sake, I mean." 

Neon shrugged. "Do what you want. Just don't put my name on the card." She washed off the strawberry knife. "If you two want strawberries with your cereal, help yourselves… I'm going to get dressed for work."

"She's recovered," murmured Raiha, a bit surprised, after she left the kitchen.

"It's been six months," reasoned Joker. "Don't you think it's about time?" 

"I'm happy for her-but I'm still a bit disappointed it didn't work out," he responded, in just as soft a tone.

Their conversation was interrupted by a startled exclamation from the living room. Joker and Raiha rushed from the kitchen towards the sound of Neon's voice. There, seated comfortably on the living room couch, was Kurei.   
  
"K-Kurei-sama!" exclaimed Raiha. He knew it was useless to ask, "How did you get in?" or "How long have you been sitting there?" He certainly hadn't felt his previous master's presence the last time he was in this room, half an hour ago. Joker hadn't seemed to have noticed him ten minutes   
ago. But what mattered was that he was there now. Something had to be dreadfully wrong.

"What's the matter?" asked Neon. "Why'd you come back to us?" Her voice was straining to be respectful, but there was suddenly anger in it, too. Why? After she had worked so hard to forget him…

He was looking at her. Kurei stood up and walked over to her, stopping only inches away from her. Neon stood her ground, though, and refused to either back off or go to him. A faint smile flickered on his lips, and before she knew it, he had taken her face in his hands and had kissed her.

Various feelings rushed through her. Shock. Surprise. Confusion. But… anger was the biggest. She pulled away and slapped him hard across the face.

Raiha and Joker watched, shocked. 

"How dare you!" she whispered softly. "What gives you the right to come in here and- after we-but you--- How dare you!"

Kurei rubbed his cheek, still with his faint smile. No woman, except for Kurenai, had ever slapped him like that. He'd never think that Neon would have the guts to do it. He found himself pleased at her reaction.

"Oi, Kurei-han, where's my kiss?" asked Joker, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I merely came to check up on you three," replied Kurei. "How's the real world?"

"Ehhh, we're comfortable," shrugged Joker. "But to be honest with ya, I'm bored out of my mind."

"But you have a chance at everything that you never could have had with me," said Kurei, gazing at each of his former subordinates in turn. "A peaceful life… security… people to be with… you could live in the light, and not in the shadows. Are you not content?"

"It's no fun," said Joker plaintively. "I mean, we can put up with it… but it's not particularly my cup of tea."

"Raiha?" asked Kurei, emotionlessly. 

His ninja shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't find this life very inspirational either, Kurei-sama," he said apologetically. "I have no problems with continuing it… but it's not what I love best."

"Neon?" He looked at her. She had recovered from her sudden rage, but was still scowling darkly.

"You don't even have to ask me how I feel," she said bitterly. "You know exactly what I think."

"Well, then," said Kurei, seeming to reach a decision. "I believe I have three new positions open you might prefer to try your hand out… would you care to return to me?"

There was absolute silence in the room. "Do I get four weeks' paid vacation a year?" Joker asked smartly.

Kurei gave him a Look. 

"I would like that," said Raiha, nodding his approval. 

"It would make me happy to work for you again, Kurei-sama," murmured Neon submissively.

"Yes. I'll arrange for your move. You'll have another week in the offices, and then we'll be together again."

Joker and Raiha nodded, still standing around awkwardly. It seemed so… surreal. It was happening so quickly, so unexpectedly. They weren't quite sure what to say. Ask him why? Thank him? Say goodbye, they have to get dressed for work?

"Joker. Raiha." Kurei looked at them coldly. 

"Hai?" 

"Go away." 

Joker and Raiha shared a knowing look before they disappeared back into the kitchen to finish their soggy cereal. Joker made smacking noises as he exited the room.

"Neon…" Kurei's expression seemed to change. 

_Strange, how he's a different person when we're alone like this…_ thought Neon, sitting next to him where he indicated.

He held out his hands, and she placed her fingertips lightly on his. "Could you forgive me, Neon?" he asked softly. 

Neon's eyes widened. Her Kurei-sama? Asking for someone's forgiveness? She found herself unable to speak, but nodded mutely.

"You've undergone much pain in the last six months… but I think you now know why I did it," he murmured. "I wanted to make sure you three… and you, especially… stayed with me because you wanted to, and not out of habit. There are so many things life can offer you that I cannot… I wanted to give you the opportunity of having those. I wanted to let you three into the Other World… the one that you came from, the one that you looked in at from the outside since you've joined with me. I wanted to give you your freedom… your freedom to see if you were truly happy with me, or if you could find greater happiness elsewhere." He touched her face gently, tracing her features.

"I know what I want," she whispered. "I want to serve you… I want to make you happy…" She caught his hand and kissed the palm gently. "I've always been happiest, when I'm with you… in whatever capacity."

"Everything up until this point has only been an experiment," said Kurei. "It's only been a shadow of reality… and now we come to the way things really are. The past was only a practice… you three are my true Uruha." He bent his head closer to hers.

"Uruha forever," murmured Neon, looping her arms around his neck and losing herself in his kiss.

And Raiha and Joker peeked through the doorway, smiling. 

   [1]: mailto:koganeikaoru@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Dell/2329/recca/recca.htm



End file.
